And now

Lingering hurts, 
thoughts combined into pulpy mash
Believing, disbelieving, Disbelieving believing
a strangely isolated place,
having forgotten much in fighting the pain, 
and searching for how, how, how to make my magic,
cultivate, yes,
grow, yes, 
scratch and itch and burn and yearn, 
Disbelieving, believing, Believing disbelieving
a loss of Trust, 
a lack of Faith,
a stumble and fall, 
hard thoughts make hard feelings make 
conversations hard, but
You will tell the whole world,
soft thoughts make soft spots make
me want You near, 
but You don't want to hear that from me, 
...so fragile a kiss,
so fragile, a heart—
Believing
disbelieving
disbelieving
believing